Am I too clingy in a relationship? Adult relationships… it’s all about a little give and take. It’s a two-way street and you can’t expect something back if you are not wiling to give a little.
However, society often makes us feel that the woman in a heterosexual relationship, is more dependent on the man…. Do you hear me?
This, of course, isn’t always the case, but it’s such a commonplace belief that it’s fairly mainstream now to hear the term “crazy ex-girlfriend” or “needy girlfriend”.
Women shouldn’t have to justify their behaviour to anyone (provided it’s reasonable, that is), but it sadly has come to the point that the internet is full of guides on ‘how not to be a needy girlfriend’ and ‘how to ask a guy if he is still interested without sounding needy’.
In reality, if you are googling these topics, there may be an issue in your relationship, so let’s separate the fact from the fiction and see if we can rid that feeling of being overly needy or too clingy.
Ask yourself the following questions and see what comes up.
What Makes You Think Am I Clingy?
If you look at your relationship and can identify an occasion (or several) where you feel you have acted in a manner that was overly clingy or unreasonable…ask yourself :
- What could you have done differently?
- How would you deal with the situation if you could do it again?
- In the circumstances surrounding your behaviour, did you act reasonably – was it actually clingy, or are you overthinking it?
- If a man had behaved the same way, would he be branded as clingy or needy?
You can’t change something that you’re not aware of so your first step to feeling better, is to understand where you may be struggling.
To actually define clingy in a relationship is near impossible, because everyone has their own standards and everyone’s relationship works differently.
Why Have You Become Clingy?
There is something underlying as to why you feel like this or acted in a certain way. Realistically, insecure women in relationships are often borne of previous negative situations and poor behaviour.
Maybe a fear of being left alone, of being cheated on, or of being treated unfairly, could fester and cause ongoing problems.
If you have the self-awareness to understand that you’ve acted in a way you wouldn’t want to repeat, it’s worth considering what sparked this action – and what you can do to break the cycle to prevent it happening again.
Understand Your Behaviour and then Move Past It
If you’re struggling to identify whether or not you’re overly clingy, why not ask someone else.
An independent opinion can be really helpful and gives a new perspective on the situation.
Once you’re able to understand your behaviour and why you react the way you do, it’s time to do something that women aren’t always the most intuitive at doing… forgive yourself and move on.
Have an open and honest discussion with your partner, if you’re still in the relationship and then continue on. You don’t need to forget your clingy behaviour, but you do need to get on with your life.
Working On Your Trust Issues
If you’ve acknowledged and understood that you have some issues around trusting the other person in a relationship, remain mindful that these issues need constant work – it won’t just go away overnight, and if left, may even worsen.
Stay present and judge each person and situation on its own merits.
Know what you want, what you’ll stand for and what you won’t. Be kind to yourself.
Embrace The Unknown
Even if you have to go solo and leave a relationship because of your overtly needy tendencies, fear not.
There’s a whole world of other people out there and your next relationship need not be the same as your previous one, after all, you’re a different person now. Whether you realise it or not, you’re growing through your experiences.
Yes it’s scary, but building yourself up, day-by-day, in a whole new world is as empowering as it is daunting.
Focus On You and Your Emotions
Every emotion you experience is valid.
Perhaps these emotions made you into a caricature dictionary definition of a ‘needy girlfriend’ at one point, but that doesn’t have to be the case anymore.
Try new things, meet new people, and build your own confidence so you can learn to better respect other people’s boundaries and expectations in any relationship and.… if those expectations don’t fit yours, maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.
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