You can be the most outwardly confident woman in the world but find that as soon as things get down to, ahem, the SERIOUS BUSINESS, your usual poise and tenacity escapes you. How to have confidence in bed?

It’s not uncommon, but it’s also not conducive to maintaining a fulfilling and satisfying sex life – which you deserve just as much as anyone else does! So how best to move from shrinking violet to sexy vixen? Thankfully for you, you already have all the tools to do so – it’s all inside your head!

Confidence in bed starts with SELF-Confidence

The most common complaint of sexually insecure women is that they don’t like to be naked around others (or sometimes, even just by themselves). It’s imperative to remember: other people don’t see you the same way that you see yourself. Confidence in bed starts with self-confidence!

Women are often hyper-critical of themselves and particularly of their physique and society often dictates an unrealistic image of what beauty is, which we all compare ourselves to. 

Let’s be honest here – if you’ve got someone as far as the bedroom, it’s pretty unlikely they’ll take one look and run a mile! But if you’re truly unhappy with how you look naked, it’s time to get happy. 

Treat yourself with compassion, work on what you’re not secure with and stay aware of how you talk to yourself. 

Am I fat or curvy? It doesn’t matter. You’re beautiful. Am I too skinny or bony? It doesn’t matter. You’re beautiful. Am I scarred or deformed? It doesn’t matter. You’re beautiful.

You’re only going to get one stab at life, so every minute spent worrying is a minute wasted. You’re you, and there is no-one else like you. You’re unique. The best sex you’re ever going to have will be with someone who accepts that. Confidence starts with you.

Take Control, and Know Yourself

It’s also not unusual to feel like everyone is having a better time than you in the bedroom. They’re probably not, of course, but there’s no reason why you shouldn’t strive to improve things for yourself anyway!

If you like something, let your partner know. If you don’t like something, let your partner know (tactfully!). 

Being sexually confident, or even just acting like you are in front of your partner, is sexy. Set the mood, make yourself comfortable, and talk. 

Being open and honest about what works for you and what doesn’t makes things a lot easier for your partner, so of course, they’ll want to hear it! 

Understanding your own body and needs, and making sure they do too, is really key to being able to relax and enjoy yourself. And if the idea of talking about intimacy makes you cringe… imagine yourself as someone else. Play the role and see where it leads you.

Stay open-minded

Of course, as much as you know what you like, dislike and are open to trying, your partner will know the same for themselves. Keeping your mind open to suggestions and new things is important, but equally, you must draw the line where you feel uncomfortable. 

Communication remains key and will pave the way to you both having fun. Not everything you try will work out, but at least you’ve given them a go and can giggle together as you do! 

Trying new things or at least discussing them, also requires you to have a decent amount of self-confidence. Again, think of it as playing a part to begin with if you need to. You have to consent to everything and you should never consent if you feel even a little bit uncomfortable with something – so make other suggestions if you’re not up for whatever your partner is. 

Even if you need to say “I don’t know if that sounds like something that would work for me, but let me look into it and find out more”, that’s progress, and can lead on to new discoveries together. 

There’s lots of sex-positive resources online and (discreetly) on social media. You don’t need to browse pornography or depths of the deep dark web to find ideas and inspiration. 

Spicing things up in the bedroom doesn’t need to mean whips, chains and toys – there’s something for everyone, but you do need to know what you’re up for trying, at least. Once you’ve decided that, the world is your oyster… or better yet, orgasm!

If you are needing a little support in your relationship and don’t know where to start…. download the FREE guide ‘Simple Steps to a Healthy Relationship’ today. 

Build your confidence in all areas of your life starting now!

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